Foster children need to be showered with positive attention and love, but they still need to have clear boundaries put in place. Planning is the best policy here – you need to know how to react to certain behaviours before they arise. Therefore, speak to the child’s caseworker and find out if there are any triggers you need to be aware of. For example, if a child has been subjected to verbal abuse, you need to avoid raising your voice for discipline. Whether you’re preparing for your first placement or you’re at a loose end, we’ve got you covered with these tips for setting boundaries.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
When a foster child arrives at your home, they may not have basic manners including saying please and thank you. Although you will need to teach these at some point, you need to focus on larger behavioural issues first. For example, if a foster child throws objects in fits of rage, this can put you and other family members in danger. You should start here and work downwards to the more trivial issues. However, if you need help to set up boundaries effectively, you can turn to your agency, such as fcascotland.co.uk, who will have a wealth of support at their disposal.
Praise Good Behaviour
When you’re trying to change a child’s behaviour, it’s too easy to focus on the negatives and forget to praise good behaviour. When your foster child abides by the rules, tell them that you’ve noticed and reward their efforts if it continues. If they relapse back into negative behaviours, revoke any rewards – if they work their way down to zero computers or TV time – they’ll be following the rules in no time.
Give Positive Attention
Often, negative behaviour is born out of a need for positive attention. If you plan to nurture positive behaviour, plan to spend quality 1-1 time with them every day. When a foster child feels appreciated by their carer, they’re more likely to abide by any rules you put in place. You can divert negative behaviour by inviting them to join you in something else – a bike ride or a crafting activity perhaps. Whether you’re caring for young children or teenagers, you can use redirection to nurture positive behaviours.
Create a Behaviour Plan
Before welcoming your new arrival, make sure you’ve received all information from their case worker and fully understand any triggers. When you take in a new child, you will need to sign agreements to avoid physical punishments – a big no in the fostering world. Create a written list of expectations for your foster child, and make sure you explain each one. Alongside this, write down the punishments for breaching the rules – this could be as simple as less TV time or losing their phone after school.
Fostering is rewarding, but you will come across many challenges on your journey. Understanding each child’s needs is the first step to establishing boundaries. Then, you need to outline your house rules and practice some patience while new behaviours take hold.