16 February 2016

The Questions…When Does It Stop?

This is a guest post by Laura who is mummy to two girls, Alice and Holly and writes about their adventures and the ups and down of motherhood over at dearbearandbeany.

It started on our wedding day…a few throwaway comments, a funny joke…are you going to come back from your honeymoon pregnant? will there be a babymoon? I didn't mind and it was all very harmless.

But, the questions didn't stop, throughout our first year of marriage they continued, then I fell pregnant with Alice…phew a nine month break!!
Fast forward to Alice arriving and whilst I was still unable to sit down without letting out a small cry in pain…the questions were back, do you think you will have any more? Would you like a boy next? How long do you think your leave the gap?

When Alice turned one, we started to think that about having another baby, we both had always wanted to have two children and Andy was definitely in the camp of the sooner the better. So, four months after Alice’s first birthday I fell pregnant and went on to have my little Holly.

Surely, now I have two children that would mean the end of questions? No, I was still asked if we will be having any more, would we like a boy? Are we tempted to have a third?

My girls...our family is complete!
It got me thinking…are people ready for the answer when they ask these questions?

The journey to becoming parents is different for everyone and for a lot of people it’s not an easy one. I do generally think that it is coming from a good place when they ask…or they are just being nosey!

But, what about the person on the end of the question? I think for a lot of people they try to brush over their answer or they tell a ‘white lie’! Because actually the real answer is a painful one for them, not one they always want to share or one that totally consumes their life…

Maybe they are on the fence about having children or adding to their family, maybe last night they had a heated discussion with their partner about it, maybe you could just be yet another person to ask them…
Or, it could just be that their family is complete…

So, before you ask…make sure you are prepared for the answer, it might not be the one you are expecting. Or, they want to share!

10 comments:

  1. I've got 3 girls, when we revealed the gender of girl number 3 people were like "ohhh nevermind!" And I still have people ask if we will keep trying for a boy..... well no!

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  2. Great post. We have one of each so thankfully don't get asked the 'gender question' but when I was pregnant with Phoebe, everyone was asking if I'd like a girl to balance things out! I think a lot of it is naivety by the person asking the question as sometimes they don't think before opening their mouths and don't consider that people might be struggling to conceive etc.

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  3. People have asked us since we had Lucas whether we will be wanting another and I tell them no, we feel lucky to have a gealthy baby who has completed our family. If we decide in the future that we do want to try for another then that will be a decision we make together and a surprise for everyone but answering no certainly stops the questions x

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  4. My folks don't get asked the questions anymore thankfully, we're the perfect 3. If they decide to have more children in the future then that's their decision and they won't be influenced X great post!

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  5. I completely understand where you are coming from Laura. I have two girls and every now and again, people keep asking if I will be trying for a boy. These days, I just brush the questions off as I am fully happy and content with my girls and I cannot be bothered to explain anything to anyone.

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  6. Very relevant, as each person's experience and preferences vary. Some people would love children, yet it seems to be impossible for them. There are those who have loss through miscarriage. Maybe we all need to be more tolerant and accepting of each other, and allow couples to be a couple, children may or may not follow. The couple are still to be valued by their family and community etc. Maybe we all need to appreciate people for who they are. Whether with or without children. Maybe we need to value people of all ages and stages. Thanks for sharing your experience and views.

    Rachel Craig

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  7. Having four children over a 16 year span, I get the opposite! I am faced with 'surely you've enough now!' and 'are you finished?!' It is actually so rude!! Kaz x

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  8. I am a mum of 5, 3 girls and 2 boys, i was always asked when i was going to stop, but if i am honest i would have loved to have had more children but being realistic we stopped at 5 due to money and housing them all comfortably. now one of my daughters has a son and the question has changed to when are your kids going to give you more grandchildren...

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  9. ive not even had my first (due in less than 4 weeks time) and people are asking me how many more and genders etc, i have an answer just now but until ive been through labour and learn to be a mummy i wudnt be a hundred per cent sure lol

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  10. I'm a little old fashioned and think that quite a few topics are private - including plans and hopes for a family. It is too easy to intrude and offend.

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