15 October 2015

Breaking The Taboo Around Miscarriage

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and yet, unless you have suffered the horrendous pain of losing a baby, you probably didn't even know this day existed. 

In this day and age where everything is shared online, from last weeks dinner menu to peoples deepest and darkest secrets, yet miscarriage is something that just isn't talked about. It's like we are ashamed, like talking about it is bad, but I don't get why. 

I remember after suffering this tragedy, people would look at me differently. Someone would ask how far I was and when I replied that I had miscarried, they would change the subject, not wanting to talk about this thing that happens to so many women, and their partners too. 

But us women are left with unanswered questions. Why did it happen, how did it happen, will it happen again. And no one tells us these answers as it's something that we don't talk about. We are left feeling alone, and scared, and have no one to turn to when actually, it's happened to more people than you think. 

Losing a child is one of the most hardest things that I will ever have had to go through. It's horrendous. Those moments of having your child inside you turning to nothing. It's draining, it's hard not only on your body but your mind too. 

Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?

No one was there to hold me together and say that everything was going to be okay. No one was there to explain that it wasn't my fault, that I had done nothing wrong and I was left just to get on with things. There, it's happened, now get over it and get on with your life. 

Then I felt guilty. I had spent all this time mourning a baby that I had never met when I should have been focusing on the 2 that I had. I was a bad mum, I didn't deserve my children... I was doing them a disservice by being selfish and thinking about myself. 

I think people don't realise just how hard a miscarriage hits. You don't just 'get over it', you can't just 'try again'.  It was a baby. A child, A person growing inside of me. I felt him moving, growing, taking a hold on life. We had plans.

We had plans...

Today is Baby Loss Awareness Day where we remember all the babies who have touched our lives - however briefly that was for. The global 'Wave of Light' will be at 7pm whereby we remember our lost babies by lighting a candle in their memory.

Photo by 9comeback from freedigitalphotos.net

10 comments:

  1. Aww I am so sorry that you went through that. I totally agree that it's a taboo, unspoken subject and it shouldn't be. It's traumatic, and bottling it up and not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. Thank you for bravely sharing your story x

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  2. I read somewhere that it's normal apparently for everyone to miscarry at some point. I don't know and I don't think there's studies on it done properly. I went through this one's too but I was only 5 weeks.

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  3. I have had a couple but very early on. I am sorry you have also had to suffer the loss of a baby. The grieving process is natural please don't give yourself too hard a time about being a bad mum while you were processing it. I wasnt aware of this day but thank you for bringing it to my attention x

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  4. I had an early misscarriage and it was horrible. You're right, it isn't talked about much and I've no idea either! People really don't realise how hard it is, I really struggled after I had lost my baby, it was SO hard and I really didn't understand it (I was really young). I am so sorry for what you went through, it's so sad and I know exactly how you feel. *hugs*.
    I lit my candle tonight. xx

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. It is so important to talk about it, but also difficult as with any bereavement to know whether the person wants to discuss it or not...I always think the only thing to really ask is "Do you want to talk about it?". I lit my candle tonight and thought about the lost babies, for me personallyand those around me xx

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  6. It is such a hard thing for people to talk about, probably because it's really raw for everyone who's gone through it. I didn't really realise how easy we had it, first try got our baby and that was it, until I knew how many others had had miscarriages. My best friend didn't even tell me she'd had a miscarriage until she was 7 weeks pregnant on her second pregnancy.

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  7. This is such an important subject. I have a good friend who lost her baby and it is a sad time but important time to remember. I appreciate the post! Angela x

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  8. Such a moving and important post. Thanks so much for sharing, I am sure you have helped so many people with this piece. Bless you.

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  9. I think you are incredible to share your story with others, it takes a lot of courage to still stand after everything you have been through. I hope that people resonate with what you have written and a loss of a baby is heart-breaking and noone can ever take away the hurt that you must be feeling. It brought me tears thinking how brave you are to keep going x

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  10. Much love and healing to you xxxx My FB feed was full of candles last night :(

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