Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and yet, unless you have suffered the horrendous pain of losing a baby, you probably didn't even know this day existed.
In this day and age where everything is shared online, from last weeks dinner menu to peoples deepest and darkest secrets, yet miscarriage is something that just isn't talked about. It's like we are ashamed, like talking about it is bad, but I don't get why.
I remember after suffering this tragedy, people would look at me differently. Someone would ask how far I was and when I replied that I had miscarried, they would change the subject, not wanting to talk about this thing that happens to so many women, and their partners too.
But us women are left with unanswered questions. Why did it happen, how did it happen, will it happen again. And no one tells us these answers as it's something that we don't talk about. We are left feeling alone, and scared, and have no one to turn to when actually, it's happened to more people than you think.
Losing a child is one of the most hardest things that I will ever have had to go through. It's horrendous. Those moments of having your child inside you turning to nothing. It's draining, it's hard not only on your body but your mind too.
Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?
No one was there to hold me together and say that everything was going to be okay. No one was there to explain that it wasn't my fault, that I had done nothing wrong and I was left just to get on with things. There, it's happened, now get over it and get on with your life.
Then I felt guilty. I had spent all this time mourning a baby that I had never met when I should have been focusing on the 2 that I had. I was a bad mum, I didn't deserve my children... I was doing them a disservice by being selfish and thinking about myself.
I think people don't realise just how hard a miscarriage hits. You don't just 'get over it', you can't just 'try again'. It was a baby. A child, A person growing inside of me. I felt him moving, growing, taking a hold on life. We had plans.
We had plans...
Today is Baby Loss Awareness Day where we remember all the babies who have touched our lives - however briefly that was for. The global 'Wave of Light' will be at 7pm whereby we remember our lost babies by lighting a candle in their memory.
|Photo by 9comeback from freedigitalphotos.net|