|Hiding under baggy tops|
I hate it, I hate looking at my body and being disgusted. Not wanting to show my body because it has stretch marks or is loose around the waist from carrying my children for 9 (well 9 and a half in fact) month. Being jealous at other parents who seem to have got their nice figures back and don't have stretch marks. How dare they rub it in my face wearing bikinis in the swimming baths when I hate even wearing a tankini in case it rides up and shows my horrible body.
As you have probably noticed, I am very self-concious about myself. I have such low self-esteem at the moment and have finally realised that if I want to feel better about myself, then I must change my ways.
There are ways to lose weight and tone up over long periods of time and quick fixes too. I have been thinking about all of the options and am undecided.
1. Healthy Eating
Now, I can do this any time. I actually do try to eat as healthily as possible. OK, I do like my chocolate but I always think that as long as you are eating veg and a lot of good produce, then a treat every now and then is fine.
I don't really know whether this would work though for me personally. I'm not actually fat like overweight but have excess skin from my pregnancies which causes me to look bigger than I am. I don't think eating healthily and loosing weight that way would actually help me to tone up and the skin to shrink back to normal size.
2. Going to the Gym
The second option again is doable and I don't mind going to the gym but the problem would be childcare. Going to the gym is a commitment to actually going enough to make a difference and although both boys will be at school in September (Thomas starts full time and Charlie will be half days at pre-school) it would mean taking up all my spare time getting out and doing it.
I actually don't mind exercising though. I would love to be able to have the time to go to the gym a few times a week and do some running or cardio exercises (treadmills look fun too) but would hate going on my own and so would need to convince Simon to come too.
3. Medical Treatments
The third option is to have some sort of treatment, cosmetic or surgical, to fix the problematic areas I have. It is very easy for people to say that it's a cop out to get surgery and that you should do it yourself without medical treatment, but it's hard when you've constantly got yourself, your inner thoughts, telling you to loose weight fatty.
If I had the money, I would have something done in a flash. To be honest, I don't really know what though. Maybe skin tightening treatments would help me to lose a bit of the excess skin around my neck and face but for my tummy, where most of my excess skin is, I would need something like a tummy tuck but to be honest, I don't really know and would need a consultation before deciding further.
All these thoughts are running through my head and it is so hard to decide which way to go. Which option is the best, I really don't know. Eating healthier wont really help rid the excess skin but going to the gym or medical treatments will. These are both opposite ends of the spectrum though, going to the gym would take a lot of time but maybe I would feel proud of myself for dong it whereas medical treatment can happen quickly and mean I get back to a happier me quickly.
All I want is to look better, not have all the saggy skin and to tone my body so I feel comfortable in my own skin. Is that so much to ask?
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