Monday, 20 May 2013

Never Again...

Charlie's 20 week scan
Never again will I get to see a babies silhouette on a scan photograph. 

Never again will get that first kick and feel so proud.

Never again will I get kicked at 3am and scream at my tummy to go to sleep.

Never again will I get that feeling when I see my baby for the first time.

Never again will I see a first tooth, a first roll, a first crawl, a first step, a first word...

Never again will I get that sensation, just after giving birth, where I feel empty inside... but wait, I do... I feel so empty. No baby, but not in a good way. I'm not getting to meet my baby and it just dawned on me how gutted I actually am.  

Why me? Why us? I've had 2 perfect little boys so why not another now? What's wrong with me? Will I ever get over it?

I know you'll probably think I'm been over dramatic, well I wasn't that far, but in fact, when you think about it, I would have been going for a scan this week. I would now be nearly 12 weeks gone. 3 months into my pregnancy. 

Getting used to being a family of five but no... not any more... 

11 comments:

  1. Thinking of you sweetheart. Sending a big massive huggles xxxx

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  2. Aw *hugs* xx

    http://beautyqueenuk.blogspot.co.uk/

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  3. Oh hun, no words will make things better. I hope that time is a healer for you, love & hugs xxx

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  4. I've been there, same time, found out at my 12 week scan, it was between number 1 and 2 for me. I know how you feel, no it isn't fair, but it is not uncommon either. I went on to have 5 more, if you want more I hope you can too. For now Hugs and enjoy the family with you now.
    I do remember my biggest regret was 3 months of morning sickness for nothing, how selfish was that! I never told anyone bar my husband for years. Just my odd way of dealing with it. I rang in sick to work to have the D&C and went back the next day. No one knew and normality reigned. I'm not recommending this, I just know it's how I deal with tragedy, I "park it" till later when I feel ready to deal with it! I hope you can take comfort from the kind messages here.

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  5. Bless you - sending a warm hug x

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  6. Thinking of you. I don't think you are being dramatic at all, I completely understand how you feel and can relate to what you have written. Perhaps in the future you will be a family of 5 if that is what you want x

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  7. Bless you. Sending thoughts and hugs x Julie Perry

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  8. Thank you all for your comments, it really is appreciated x

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