Wednesday Words

I cannot believe that tomorrow my son, my little boy, my first born, will be 4 year old. He has grown up so much, seems like only a few weeks ago, I brought him home from the hospital as a tiny newborn little bubba and now he is a gorgeous little boy whom I adore with my whole heart. 

Even though you make me mad, play up and fight me at every hurdle, that's what growing up is about, learning your boundaries and finding out your own individuality. 

You may be getting bigger and learning more every day, but to me, you'll always be my gorgeous little boy.

Wishing Emma from CrazyWithTwins well. We are all thinking of you.

Never Again...

Charlie's 20 week scan

Never again will I get to see a babies silhouette on a scan photograph. 

Never again will get that first kick and feel so proud.

Never again will I get kicked at 3am and scream at my tummy to go to sleep.

Never again will I get that feeling when I see my baby for the first time.

Never again will I see a first tooth, a first roll, a first crawl, a first step, a first word...

Never again will I get that sensation, just after giving birth, where I feel empty inside... but wait, I do... I feel so empty. No baby, but not in a good way. I'm not getting to meet my baby and it just dawned on me how gutted I actually am.  

Why me? Why us? I've had 2 perfect little boys so why not another now? What's wrong with me? Will I ever get over it?

I know you'll probably think I'm been over dramatic, well I wasn't that far, but in fact, when you think about it, I would have been going for a scan this week. I would now be nearly 12 weeks gone. 3 months into my pregnancy. 

Getting used to being a family of five but no... not any more... 

Scared Of Fashion

I'm not one for being fashionable. In fact, some of the fashionable clothes nowadays intimidates me, how could I get away with wearing that? I think to myself, and then put it back on the shelf and walk away. 

The last designer things I wore were this gorgeous dress and shoes. I must admit, it did feel nice to wear them until I actually got to the venue and then I felt self-concious. As if a mum with frumpy bits, like me, shouldn't be wearing such an expensive outfit. I ended up leaving early, a tad upset (cue the violins).

I know that it makes me sound stupid to say that, but I just cannot stand people looking at me thinking 'eurgh, what's she wearing, she can't pull that off''.

I don't know why I feel like this. To be honest, I've never been a confident person. I'm always the quiet one. I prefer to listen rather than talk and like working alone to get things done. I think all these factors, and the fact that having children has changed my body so much, are the reasons that I am so self-concious now.

So instead of wearing high fashion garments, I stick to nice fashionable accessories instead. A gorgeous statement watch stands out so much and takes eyes away from me and my insecurities. 

That or a nice Ted Baker purse. I love the Vappu Floral Purse, the pink flowers stand out so much and make the purse look so pretty. I would love to get this out of my bag to pay for my shopping. How pretty is this?

With coin compartments, a zip pocket, card slots and even a photo slot too, it has everything I need in a purse and it means I can have a cute photo of my boys in it. I think I may need to save a bit though as at £99, it is gorgeous but at the moment, out of my price range.

At least this way, I'll be able to have a little bit of fashion but stick to my regular style.

Are you self-concious? Do you have a fashion phobia?

-This is a sponsored post although everything wrote about in this post is my own writing and experiences

Project 365 #132-138

Day 132

Thomas having a fun time in the garden dancing to the radio. This was our last day of sun before the rain came.

Day 133

Always listening to music. It is so cute seeing Thomas on daddies phone listening through Beats headphones and trying to sing along.

Day 134

This is Charlie Bear. Thomas brought him home from school to look after for a few days. In fact, Charlie Monkey ended up looking after Thomas as he was ill at the end of the week.

Day 135

Another bike photo. Now I know loads of our #Project365 photos have been of Thomas on his bike but this is because he loves it so much. 

Day 136

Me and the hubster. Please don't laugh at my no make up, unwashed hair, shot. 

Day 137

As mentioned on day 134, both kids have been poorly. This is them getting cuddled by daddy.